remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
