I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
