He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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