Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
