my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
