the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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