dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
