I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
