She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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