i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
