Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
