worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
