Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize