I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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