K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
