my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
