You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
