Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
