I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just forgot I was standing up.
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