he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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