I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
