I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
