OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
