I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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