just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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