he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dick very happy bro
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
