I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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