i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
