Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
