trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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