Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
