He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
