but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
