Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
