I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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