I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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