do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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