If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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