you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
