I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
