I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
