I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
