What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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