Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
