remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
