my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
