Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
