I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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