well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
