you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
