i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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