Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
