I need to stop coming to work sober
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
