she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
