did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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