I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
