The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need water and some morals
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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