Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
