I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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