so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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