my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
