Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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