my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
