like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
