You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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