Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
