She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
