i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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