Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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