you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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