We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
