who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
