i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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